TV talks TV

I'll be dressing for the first time in ages later today, so on the offchance that A: anyone wants to check out some new pictures, and B: anyone in the entire world actually reads this blog, there'll be a few samples here, and more on my site later.

But before I can dress, there's something I have to do first. It's the worst part about being a trannie. It's a loathsome, hateful process, a nightmare of biblical proportions.

It's shaving.

As in, my entire body. Some TVs are naturally hairless or almost so, and don't need to shave. Lucky bitches. ;) I have body hair in the style of Sean Connery. Or Austin Powers. Or Bigfoot. It took me almost half an hour with the electric clippers (a great investment, by the way!) just to buzz off the outer coat, and then after that it was into the bath and to work with the razors. Two hours and five disposable twin-blades later, my body was finally as denuded as I could get it. And it was a hell of a task. Forget sexual positions - some of the contortions I had to go through to scrape off those awful hard-to-reach tufts should be in the Kama Sutra. Try shaving your own butt sometime. You'll see.

And then... the face. God. I hate shaving my face. I'm just no good at it. Never have been, probably because nobody ever taught me how to do it as a teenager and I had to figure it out by trial and bloody error. Even with two, three, seventeen blades on the razor, it only takes about three seconds before the white shaving foam turns a vivid crimson. I think every hair follicle on my face is connected directly to my heart by a high-pressure hose. Sharks were trying to swim up into my washbasin because they could smell the blood in the water from the Bay of Biscay. Forget sticking little pieces of toilet paper over the cuts, I might as well have just stuck the entire roll to my chin and been done with it.

But now, thank god, I'm done. So after I give my face a couple of hours to stop bleeding (nothing more annoying than putting on makeup and seeing little nuclear explosions of red expanding outwards through the foundation) I'll be dressing for the first time in seven months!